7 Peculiar Phrases From My Cell Phone's User Created Dictionary

So, I recently found myself sitting in a waiting room for an extended period of time with a friend.  While we were sitting in this waiting room, I actually got bored enough to go into my phone's user created dictionary and start cleaning up typo's and words that I didn't want saved to the dictionary.  My friend and I thought this was amusing, and while it could have just been delirium created by several hours of sitting in a hospital waiting room, I decided it was amusing enough to share the best seven with all of you.

Movie Theater

Letters to People I Hate

By

Carl S. Entner

To The Person Who Sat In Front Of Me At The Theater

Hello sir. Might I suggest that you take a shower? The time that I spent with you was most pungent, and I always consider it wise when I go on an outing which will require me to stay in one place for a long time among strangers, that I do not have the aroma of cat feces wafting around my body.

Hair Cut

Letters To People I Hate

By

Carl S. Entner

To The Lady That Cut My Hair Today

When I agreed to let you cut my hair today I was not looking for somebody to have a nice conversation with. I was looking for a hair cut. I do not care what you think would be a great April Fools joke, its December and your idea was pretty stupid, you should consider keeping that to yourself and hope that moment of foolishness does not leak out into real life.

Story #3

by Cassi Jerkins


The child at the carnival could not have been more delighted at the demented acts he witnessed before his eyes. The laughter of the Master of Ceremonies frightened his soul in a most pleasing way. As lions hopped through hoops of fire and a man on a unicycle juggled sharp knives with his own bare hands, all the boy could think was, “I want to build my own circus!” 

7 Reasons Southern California Traffic Sucks

So sorry for the lack of 7 Deadly Lists recently.  My computer's been in the shop for the past couple of weeks.  I was working on a list for 7 Reasons I Love Apple Care, but I couldn't get past point 1: It saved me over $1,000 in repairs.  Unfortunately, this means I had to abandon the Halloween list I was planning, but there's always next Halloween.  I would also like to thank Cassi Jerkins for helping out in the lull with some creative writing stories.  I hope you all enjoyed them as much as I did, and hopefully she has more coming soon.

Anyway, in the time since my last post, I was moved from my job at our Orange County location to our Redondo Beach location, which is good, because at least I'm getting work, but bad because on a good day, I have a one hour commute now.  Which has forced me to create the 7 Reasons Southern California Sucks.  And I think this will be the first list that I count it down from 7 to 1.  Enjoy.  Or not, I already got your page view.

Story #2

by Cassi Jerkins

The artist hunched over his pad of blank paper for nearly an hour at his favorite outdoor eastside cafe, the cigarette butts collecting beneath the table. “Why haven’t I been struck by the Muse?” the tortured artist sulked while gazing wincingly at the sun. He adjusted his black beret and sat back in the light wooden chair. “Pathetic,” he thought, “another bright day clouding my talent!” He scowled forward and snatched his pencil, thoughtlessly dabbling two ovals side by side. “What is this?” the artist peered piercingly at the two ovals, “Reveal yourself to me!” He slowly began to draw a smaller oval within the right oval… “Yes, an eye… but not just any eye. Please go on!” The artist continued to meticulously draw and the next hour carried by in a most surreal manner, this right eye becoming increasingly apparent to him… It was the “Eye of Death” of course and the left eye was slowly becoming the “Eye of Riddle”! The artist’s imagination was enticing him further and further down the rabbit hole. 

"Story 1"

by Cassi Jerkins

The date couldn’t have gone more swimmingly for Jim and Jill. Jill looked delightfully divine in her pastel blue summer dress. Though Jim seemed a bit under dressed his curiously contagious green eyes kept Jill from caring. They spent two whole hours in the Green Basil Teatime Cafe without a notice for time. The mention of a certain popular English band gave the anxious chase a push into a more porous and fruitful exploration, giving the two butterflies. “Could this be the one?” they both thought in revealing secrecy. 

7 Members of my Dream Team Band

Hello.  So, for those of you who don't know, I am also a cohost of the amazingly hilarious and always interesting podcast Podtact.  Available for free on iTunes Music Store.  Anyway, we recently did a segment where we each assembled our own Dream Team Bands.  I have expanded mine to 7 members to fit this little list format I do.  I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed listening to the music to research it.

7 Fall Shows That I'm Most Excited For

First of all, let me just apologize for not posting a blog last week.  I really do want to try to post something every Thursday, but I just couldn't come up with a solid idea in time.  I figure I'd rather have a quality post than a weak post just for the sake of getting something up on Thursday.

As for this week's post, the fall TV lineup has begun!  Therefore, I will be doing my first in an annual series of the 7 Fall Shows That I'm Most Excited For.

Seven Baseball Terms I Use to Describe Drive Thrus

I eat from places with drive thrus a lot.  I mean it.  A lot.  As in, I won’t be surprised if I have a heart attack on my 30^th birthday.  In fact, I go to drive thrus enough that I’ve come up with my own little language to describe my experience in a drive thru.  And inspired by using baseball terms to describe stages of sexual relationships, I’ve used baseball terms to make up this language.

So here they are, the Seven Baseball Terms I Use to Describe Drive Thrus.

Seven Most “What Were They Thinking” College Mascots

So I just recently found out that there’s this thing called football.  And apparently, there’s a college version of this “football.”  And from the looks of it, I think they start today or something.  I really can’t tell.  ESPN is being a little vague on the subject.

Anyway, I was going through my lists on ESPN.com and realized there are a couple of schools who have pretty dumb mascots.  I don’t even know what those guys were thinking.  It’s pretty ironic that there just happened to be exactly seven of those schools though.

Anyway, here they are in no particular order.  I take that back.  They’re in alphabetical order.  Deal with it.

The Seven Deadly Sins, in order of Bullshitness

Congratulations!  You have found the first in a series of seven points lists.  Each week there will be yet another list for you to read and enjoy.  Well, it’ll be here for you to read at least.

Since I settled on the number seven for the length of my lists, it naturally made sense for them to be the Seven Deadly Lists, which naturally makes sense that the first entry be a list on the Seven Deadly Sins.  Now, most logical people realize that some of these sins are quite a bit more bullshit than others, so I took care of ordering them for you.  Now you don’t have to worry about doing that yourself.  See how nice I am?

Anyway, on to the first point!